davejadecollab | Best Friend

You found her.
yes i fucking found her sis what is your hearing loss
You just took her in off the street.
it was the park
but yeah
i guess essentially
itll rack me up some good karma for later
You don't know where she's been.
shes been muzzle deep in my crotch so far
pinned me to the bench and horfed that ham and cheese sandwich down off my lap like a five star meal at diet camp
least i could give a girl after that much actions a ride home
…
Dave.
for fucks sake i gave her a bath ok

Your name is—well, you don't really have a name yet! But you are sure your new friend will give you one, because he is nice and doesn't shout and smells so good. He is a good boy! He is a really good boy, just like you are a good girl.

You are a dog.

she sheds like a motherfucker but other than that shes been ok i guess
like she hasnt pissed in the house or anything
so shes clearly been trained
You should try to find her owner.
she doesnt have a collar
so fuck that
her owner was clearly a stupid asshole
Where is the nearest Humane Society outpost?
no
fuck that
For God's sake, Dave.
You are not emotionally equipped to care for another living creature at the moment.
And, if I may say it, I suspect you are not physically able, either.
hey rose guess what
fuck that
and fuck you too
Dave.
I'll talk to you later.
You have an appointment tomorrow.
Do me the favor of showing up without my dragging you there.

Your new favorite person in the world (dave dave dave dave dave!!!) slams the phone back in the cradle without answering, and you take that as an invitation to clamber up onto the couch with him. He mumbles, hey, and pushes weakly at your face, but you just lick his hands and climb into his lap until he laughs and drapes over you and scratches that one spot just between your shoulder blades, the spot he already found. Oh, that is so good.

You thump your foot against his leg so hard he says, ow, but he doesn't stop the scritchies.

***

You learn a lot about Dave. He is quiet and mostly lives alone, but a lot of the time his friends come and sleep over and make food in the kitchen that smells better than Chef Boyardee or microwave rice. He feeds you the meat out of his Hamburger Helpers and you drink out of the best bowl in the apartment, the one that only has one chip in it.

The friend that comes most often, the one that makes Dave laugh the most, is a girl person who smells like pepper and metal. He calls her TZ, and she thinks you're the coolest thing since Tabasco sauce.

D4V3, YOUR DOG 1S THE COOL3ST TH1NG S1NC3 T4B4SCO S4UC3 >:]
i thought i was the coolest thing since tabasco sauce
YOU 4R3 ONLY ON P4R
BL4CK13 H3R3 T4K3S TH3 C4K3
WH3R3 C4N 1 G3T 4 F1N3 B1TCH L1K3 H3R
a pimp never reveals his secrets
ST1NGY

TZ has a smile like a steel trap, all rust and sharp edges. It took her even less time than Dave (dave!!!!) to find that spot between your shoulder blades.

M4N LOOK 4T H3R L3G GO
yeah
rose doesnt want me to keep her
1 TH1NK SH3S GOOD FOR YOU
FUCK ROS3
thats what i said
BUT D4V3 YOU C4NT FUCK ROS3
1 C4LL3D D1BS 4G3S 4GO
thats my sister youre talking about
H3H3H3
1 KNOW >;]
youre disgusting
cmere girl dont let her get her gross sisterlusting cooties all over you

Even though TZ is reeeeeally good at petting, you jump up and practically knock Dave over when he calls. You are so happy to be over here with him on the floor that you kiss him!

hey no stop
ugh
H4H4H4H4!
WOW D4V3 YOU R34LLY MUST B3 1RR3S1ST1BLE TO TH3 F41R3R S3X
ill teach you my ways if you help me up
HMMM
tz
1 WOND3R WH4T YOU T4ST3 L1K3

Dave tastes like cinnamon and couch leather and a little bit like socks, but TZ doesn't get to find out because you will not be moved.

***

Sometimes Dave does not get out of bed, but this is okay with you because he lets you sleep on the mattress with him. He is always warm and sweaty and sometimes he rolls over to press his face into your back, and you let him until his fingers loosen and he falls asleep again. Sometimes he makes hurt noises and you press your cold nose against his eyes.

If you have to go, you go in the bathroom so it will be easy to clean up. Sometimes his friends come to feed both of you and clean up your mess and ask him how he feels in a quiet voice. His brother calls every day. Dave lies on his back and you rest your head on his stomach so he can pet you while he talks. Rose calls more than that, but Dave doesn't always pick up for her.

it's just how she shows she cares, dude.
she could care a little less
hell knows shes more freaked than i am
i think she would say that might be exactly her cause for concern.
whatever
i dont need a full time babysitter
im doing just fine with just me and lassie
right girl

You sit up and cock your head and let your tongue loll out. That always makes him smile. John snorts and ruffles your ears. He smells like soap and tobacco and vanilla, and Dave likes him more than anybody.

you know lassie was a boy dog, right?
uh no dude
her name is lassie
i mean the dog actors!
there were seven of them and they were all male. true story.
youre shitting me
is this the face of a guy who would shit you, dave.
is it.
i dunno man
youre pretty shitty
you're shitty!
your face is shitty
your mom is shitty!!
oh it is on
you insulted the family name
im telling rose
good! go tell her, right now. use your hands and pick up the phone and dial the numbers. it is easy.
dammit
the ruse was a distraction
it sure was.
and you fell for it!
i so won.
sic him girl
lass scamper

You leap at John, barking, and the two of you fall in a shouting tangle of limbs and paws and slobber while Dave laughs and coughs and rubs his face.

but really, dude. rose wants to talk to you. she's scared.
i know
just
let me handle it ok
i need her to back off
she just wants to help.
i dont have any time john
you don't have time to let her help you?
no
i dont have time
at all
im out of time
and im scared too
jesus, dave.
we're here for you, ok?
for anything you need.
i'm here, man.
how long?

Dave buries his hand in your fur and says nothing at all.

youll take care of her right
shes a pretty ok dog

***

Then one day Dave doesn't come home. You wait and wait, and you pee in the bathroom, and then you get mad and you pee on his bed but he still doesn't come home. You howl, and you scratch at the door when that doesn't work, and you run around and tear through the apartment until everything's shattered and upside-down and a jar of weird dead things almost crushes your paw, but he still doesn't come home. You are so tired that you just lie down with your nose at the doorjamb and whine.

You wake up to the sound of familiar keys and jump to your feet, but the smell's all wrong and while you stick your snout in the crack to try to sort it out, TZ almost bops you in the nose. You yelp and scuttle back, but she only looks at you like she's blind.

oh
your3 h3r3
1 just c4m3 to
sh1t
1t sm3lls l1k3 p1ss 1n h3r3

You back up with your tail between your legs. TZ sounds wrong, her smell's wrong, there's too much salt and her voice is mushed up like hamburger helper before it's been cooked. You don't know whether to growl or whine, so you do both. TZ just stares some more.

1t looks l1k3 you h4d on3 h3ll of 4 p4rty w1thout us

You howl a little.

ok4y, ok4y
1ll f33d you, b4rkb34st

She gives you two whole cans of sardines, though she forgets to use the good bowl, and then she uses Dave's phone to call John while you eat. You are starving, so you miss the whole conversation.

Then John comes, and he takes one look at the ruined apartment, glances once at the wreck that is TZ, and finally settles on you.

He doesn't smile, and there's a sharp smell, unpleasant and acid, over the smoke and vanilla.

dave doesn't need his things, terese.

TZ draws in a faint, hissing breath.

he's out of time.

You bark. You're still mad. Where is Dave?

The phone rings again. TZ's breath hitches, but John's the one who steels himself and picks his way over the ripped cushions to answer it.

rose?
John.
He's asking for her.
who, terese? ok, one sec,
No.
The dog, John.
He wants his dog.

Silence.

wh4t 1s sh3 s4y1ng, john
1s h3 gon3
no, shoosh.
he is not gone.
rose, what do you mean he wants his dog?

You bark again and run up to him, plant your paws against John's back. He staggers a little under your weight, but only curls his arm around your shoulders, holds you up like you're both in a conference call.

I mean,
The very first thing he asked me upon regaining consciousness was to tell you that if your friendship means anything to you,
You'll listen to him.
And bring the dog.
i can't bring a dog into a hospital, rose!
even one as well-behaved and good-natured as lassie.
1 thought h3r n4m3 w4s bl4ck13
shoosh!
The dog's name does not matter.
He's dying.

John bundles you into the car in minutes.

***

He sneaks you onto a gurney and covers you with blankets and tells you to stay very, very still, and you do it because you are going to see Dave (dave!) and you are a good girl. John wheels you in and tells people to get out of the way urgently and firmly. TZ answers any follow-up questions with equally urgent elbows and shoulders. You can still smell her tears. You licked them from her cheeks in the car.

You go down halls and around corners and up elevators, and the whole time you remain completely motionless, even though you want to wag your tail or rip a passing doctor's leg off. You are as still as ice, as a sleeping volcano, but you are not either of these things. You are a dog. And you want to see your boy.

She smells like lavender and paper and you know it's Rose because you know her voice, after all those weeks on the phone. Something in her smells like Dave, too. Like moonbeams or music.

John. Terese.
ros3
He'll be glad to see you.
Hurry.
ok.

John stops to give her a hug, though, and she returns it. Her fingers clench so tightly in his shirt that you hear the bones creak, and you think—even with your superior hearing, you can't be sure—you hear her muffle the tiniest, most broken sob into his shoulder.

He's waiting. Please. He doesn't have much time.
i know. i brought her.

Rose doesn't say anything, but she reaches one hand under the blankets to scratch your ears.

***

Dave is quiet, but the room is full of machines that beep and hum and smell like bleach, and you whimper when you lay your head on his stomach.

hey
sup

You whine. He lifts a hand, but it doesn't quite make it to your face before fluttering down, so you bump his fingers with your nose instead. Bunp.

i just wanted to tell you something
everyone else already knows
you know
the sappy stuff
but its not like i could leave you a letter girl
youre a smart puppy but not that smart

You lick his fingers. They're cold, and a machine is attached to one of them, but you lick them anyway. He laughs, weak.

ok
listen
i only had
i dont know
a month with you
but you seriously made me
haha
i was happy

His fingers curl against your face.

i liked taking care of you
and
you took good care of me too

John is crying. Not loudly, but the tears roll down his face, and he has to take his glasses off to wipe them.

i wouldnt have made it this far without you
alright
you remember that
and im not abandoning you
i would never
next time ill have all the time in the world
and if you need me ill come ok
because

You can hear the breath rattle in Dave's chest as he inhales, tries to fill his failing lungs with enough air to finish the sentence. Rose is squeezing John's hand. TZ bites her lip to keep her face from crumpling. He pulls his other hand away from your back and reaches under his pillow.

youre my hero
its you
good dog
best friend

He hooks it with two fingers and drags it out. It's a collar. It bears your name.

Your name is JADE, and you kiss your boy good-bye.

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